I am so ready to be gone. Away to college and start a new life with new people. I don't care if I don't see these 'friends' anymore. I'm so tired of it.
Why is it that I feel like I have to care for someone? That I HAVE to have a good friend? I mean... What has having a "good friend" ever got me? My first good friend ditched me. My second and best good friend hates me... And my most recent one, which I think I may have only kept around because I felt like I needed someone, is a fucking douche whose only concern is himself.
I mean... I liked solitude. I really do. But then I also hate it... It's a love-hate thing... I prefer to be alone, but I need someone that I can care for that cares in return... Does that make sense? Maybe it's so I feel like I actually have a reason for my existance besides myself?
I've given up on you because I hate caring for you when you don't care as much for me. I'm sorry. It's just not fair. It's not right that I can know your deepest secrets but I don't even feel that I can tell you about a bad day that I've had. Caring for someone when you're so young may be stupid to you, but it's not to me. Age is different than maturity. You of all people should know that. You can't blame me for not opening up to you, because you never really wanted me to. I'm fine with that. You can call me dramatic for writing this, but I just wanted to let the person I care about know how I feel... Even if you don't care to hear. You're Marc, I care about you. But you're not important enough to me for me to suffer over.
Crawling through this world as disease flows through my veins
I look into myself, but my own heart has been changed
I can't go on like this
I loathe all I've become
The Happening was a decent movie. Screw all the bad reviews people gave it. I admit Suicide Club was so obviously better, The Happening was decent. Killer plants!!!! How can you not like that?! Exactly.... Frickin' green freaks... Pretty scary.
I Love The New Millenium + Amy Lee = YAY!!! I've been missing my best friend and now I can just watch VH1 and there she is! I just wanna spend 1 day with that woman to see what it'd be like.
I don't work tomorrow or the next day! WHOOT ME!
I rearranged my room but I don't like it. I wanna be a vampire.
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/danitykane/poetry.html ^^^^^ A couple of months ago that song was playing while I was in a car with a friend and they said "Do you not pay attention to the lyrics?" as if they were trying to tell me something.... Still to this day I don't get it...
Don't believe what you're saying
I read your face and I'm blanking
Cause I don't know what's in front of my eyes
I try to feel confident
How people
who I used to talk to hours and hours every night make fake promises and toy
with me.
How people that used to understand, that I could talk to about ANYTHING, don't
even care anymore, and now I don't have anyone to talk to about those kinds of
things. I don't have anyone to talk to when I feel like dying or running away
forever.
How people that I used to think were so damn cool seem so fucking retarded.
How the people I used to love more than anything are now the people that annoy
me most.
Don't get me wrong, I'm all for change, but this is ridiculous.
It's ridiculous how different everything's becoming and I'm so insanely lost
and fucking… I don't know. I guess I feel really lonely.
But whatever, I don't think it really matters.
I mean, it matters to me, but to you I just sound whiney and fucking starved
for attention or something.
I'm not, really.
I'd just like somebody to actually call me sometime
Even though I probably wouldn't know what to say.
Or like… actually hold a conversation with me.
But I guess that's a lot to ask.
and no.
I wasn't being sarcastic or feeling sorry for myself.
It is a lot to ask.
It's not your responsibility to make me feel loved or something, haha.
but I like being talked to.
I'll quit now haha because I'm making myself look so ridiculous it's crazy.
Whatever.
So far away I see the truth
I see through you
Now that I know the way you play
I don't want to
I feel weak. Not mentally but physically. I don't like it. I mean... You always hear about bigger people having problems with they're weight because they're big, but I'm the opposite. I mean, not to sound cocky, but I always was/am attracted to myself, but I'm just so tired of hearing "You're so skinny! You need to eat!" It's like, is that really different than telling a fat person they need to eat less? Hell, I eat like an effin' monster! It's not my fault I'm small.... Eating obviously doesn't help. Neither does working out?? I guess I could try things like Protein Shakes or something, I don't know. STEREOIDS!!!! Heh ^_^ And I have my times where I feel fat, but everyone does so I don't really care about those time. I'm sorry if I'm not an MTV Real World Model or some shiz like that.
Half a day left! Doesn't feel like it to me, but then again I've been so detached from my reality lately... Next Friday is Friday the 13th. I know where I'll be, do you?
They've spiked the water
It's in the blood
Get some
David Cook? Are you serious? Can you say another Daughtry? :P
I decided I'm pretty much done with school this year. Homework at least. Very early Senioritis. Only class I'll do homework in is English and that's because I can't risk it. I only really have one plan for this Summer. I'm going camping once, just me and my friend in the good outdoors. Obviously I'll do more, but that's all that is planned for now.
Three day weekend! Mad Hatter's Ball is this Saturday... I don't really know what to expect from that. Mainly just going for friends. Haircut and mowing the lawn... Don't know what else. Maybe hang with either Patrick or Mike, Marc'll be at the ball so that takes care of him. Oh yeah! Memorial Day Party at Patrick's on Sunday. That takes care of that! Being if I don't work.
Oh yeah! I saw Iron Man yesterday! I didn't really care to see it, but I ended up thinkin' it was pretty effin' sweet! I loved the scene after the credits. "I'm here to talk to you about the Avengers Initiative." Made me wanna orgasm.
I fuck you because you're famous.
I fuck you for your money.
I fuck you to control you.
I fuck you so someday I can have half of everything you own.
I fuck you to fuck you over.
I fuck you 'til I find someone better.
I fuck you in secret.
I fuck you because I can't remember if I already fucked you before.
I fuck you out of boredom.
I fuck you because I can't feel it anyway.
I fuck you to make the pain go away.
